Today the UNC officials announced that it will erect a bronze sculpture to honor the work of its student athletes. The bronze sculpture, name “Statue of Limitations”, will depict a football player embracing his female tutor. The artist said the athlete’s head will be on the left shoulder of the tutor while the tutor’s hands will be busy writing a paper for the athlete. “I think it perfectly depicts the win-win relationship our athletes and academic support staff share,” said one assistant sports information director.

Officials said the statue will replace the university’s historic “Silent Sam” sculpture which depicts a student who has been sent to fight in the Civil War. “We are tired of the racist imagery presented by Silent Sam. The Statue of Limitations is a far more accurate depiction of campus life in the Modern Era. Plus, there is no racism at all with the student athlete experience, so it’s really a win-win”, said one assistant athletic director.

In order to avoid any media coverage of the situation, the statue will be unveiled at 4:45pm on Thursday, July 3.