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Apr
01

Raleigh Tiny Flag Campaign A Success at Roundabout

The much maligned traffic circle at Hillsborough and Pullen in Raleigh has been solved. Recently a report of the intersection’s alarmingly high accident rate was released. In response, the City of Raleigh placed tiny red flags measuring 2” x 2” at the intersection, causing accidents to nearly disappear over night.

“I never even knew I was supposed to yield until I saw the flags,” said NCSU student Justin Humphries. “Once I saw those flags I slammed on brakes and let traffic in the circle go in front of me.”

City of Raleigh traffic reports indicate that the number of accidents in the circle, which was once five per week, has decreased to 4.9 accidents per week.

One traffic official said,”These flags are a miracle. We are out to save lives.” A city councilor who did not want to be named said,” This near-disappearance of accidents shows that when the City of Raleigh gets creative, it can do achieve almost anything!”

Apr
01

New Mexican Restaurant Said to be Raleigh’s Hottest

A new Mexican concept is now open in North Raleigh. Modeled after Hooters, the new concept features scantily clad waitresses, numerous TVs showing sports, and the hottest food in Raleigh. The concept is called “The Plate Is Hot”.

As owner Juan Gonzalez explains,”We wanted a name that would not only convey the experience in our restaurant, it would also force our competitors to mention us whenever they present their customers with food.

Apr
01

New Italian Restaurant Coming to North Hills

Meeting the demands of an underserved market, Pulcinella’s announced today that they will be moving to North Hills. In June the space formerly occupied by Jolly’s Jewelers will become the new Pulcinella’s Italian Bistro 116 Market and Café Brewpub Garden Oven Factory.

North Hills spokeswoman Jane Wright said,”We looked at our dining options in North Hills, The Lassiter, and North Hills East and decided that there really is a shortage of places to get pasta, pizza, and beer in the complex…We are excited to finally have an Italian restaurant in North Hills!”

Apr
01

Curtis Media to Launch Adele-Only Station

Recently Curtis Media shuffled their lineup, moving talk shows to 850am and making 680am all news. However gogoraleigh has just discovered that 96.1FM will be changed from a Rock format to All-Adele. A Curtis spokesperson said,”We saw what has been happening with WRAL and with XM’s The Pulse, so we decided that instead of offering just 14 hours of Adele songs played over and over again, why not just create a dedicated Adele-only channel? There’s no way the station could be less popular than 96 Rock, so we feel it is a win-win.”

Curtis Media also announced a change in name, too. Beginning May 1, the company will be known as Dead Horse Media, and their slogan will be “Nobody Can Beat a Dead Horse Like We Can!”

Apr
01

Harrison Barnes Has Brand-Saving Surgery

barnesEarlier this week Harrison Barnes posted a photo of himself in the UNC Hospitals wearing a hospital gown. Our research team has revealed that due to a disastrous two months following an ankle injury, Barnes required surgical correction of The Harrison Barnes Brand. Doctors called the surgery a success. “Soon Barnes should be able to resume his path toward being a success in the NBA, a failure in baseball, a bad actor, and eventually a terrible front office NBA figure,” said Dr. Leonard Herbovitz.

Apr
01

Time Warner to Debut ITB Network

On Friday Time Warner Cable of Raleigh announced a new network to its lineup, ITB Network. The channel will focus on living, working, and playing inside of Raleigh’s beltline. The channel will be operated by longtime ITB Stalwart Capital Broadcasting, and will begin with the following shows:

This Week in Suburbans – Sir Walter Chevrolet will air a weekly show detailing their current line of Suburban automobiles

Bunko – A local game shows where local women drink wine, gossip, and occasionally roll dice.

Jeopardize! – An ITB-exclusive game show featuring ITB trivia. Guest will be asked questions about Broughton, Uncle Paul, the NCSU Steam tunnels, everything Devereaux, and more. A lot is on the line, though, as losers will have to move outside of the beltline.

Paint Your House Beige! – A home decorating show that shares secrets about ITB decorating

BroughtonTV – A show featuring Broughton sporting and music events.

This Week in Chick-Fil-A – A show about the latest in the Cameron Village Chick-Fil-A (because there has been so little discussion about this so far)

Apr
01

Masters of Death and Destruction Playing Hopscotch

mastersThis year’s upcoming bill for the Hopscotch Festival is filling out nicely. The newest addition to the lineup is The Masters of Death and Destruction, who will be playing City Plaza on Friday night of the Hopscotch weekend. The band, best know for their 43 minute hit single “Raaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh” will bring something downtown Raleigh hasn’t seen in 20 years, darkness.

As part of the show, Progress Energy has agree to shut down the power grid for the entire downtown area. “We want to bring the pureness of dark to our show,” said Evan Rohn, guitarest. The band’s set is reported to last 5 hours and feature all of the band’s 8 songs.

“We are aware that some customers may be inconvenienced by the outage, however we feel the importance of the Masters of Death and Destruction playing Hopscotch is well worth the costs”, Progress’ Mike Bernard said.

Apr
01

Laurel Hills Little League Debuting on ESPNtyke

In February ESPN launched ESPNtyke, a channel dedicated to basketball recruiting. The station features not only high school basketball, but also junior high and little league games of the game’s future stars. On May 6 at 9am Raleigh makes its debut with a game from the Laurel Hills Community Center.

The teams featured in the internationally-televised game will be the Rebels vs. the Coyotes. The Rebels features 5’11 standout Marcus Young, a Raleigh 5th grader who has narrowed his choices to Georgetown, Memphis, and Kentucky.

They will face stiff competition from The Coyotes, however, which features Jeff Koonce and Harmon Boatwright. Koonce, a 6th grader is a 3-point specialist who has narrowed his choices to UNC, Connecticut, and Kentucky, while Boatwright, a 5th grader who has already mastered rebounding is down to UCLA, N.C. State, and, of course, Kentucky.

The Coyotes will, however, be without their point guard, Jacob Miller whose prior commitments (a select soccer game, an AAU basketball game, and try-outs for a select baseball team) will make him unable to attend.

Apr
01

ACC Football Changing its Name

Today the ACC offices in Greensboro released a statement informing schools and the public that the Atlantic Coast Conference will change the name of its football program to “Others Receiving Votes”.

Apr
01

Apple Releases New iTunes with New Name

Today Apple released a major update to its iTunes software. While the new version is said to be three times larger and five times slower than previous editions and still doesn’t feature the “open platform” FaceTime, iTunes now features no connectivity to the App Store.

An Apple spokesperson said,”We we troubled that people couldn’t predict the experience they would have with our App Store. Sometimes one could connect, other times they couldn’t. This version makes huge strides toward be reliably unable to connect to the App Store.” The new version is such an advance that Apple as a new name for the feature: “Unable to Connect to App Store”.

Mar
29

Ravenscroft vs. Montrose on ESPNU Today

The ESPN High School Invitation kicks off with a full slate of games today. (bracket, PDF) The 4pm game features Raleigh’s Ravenscroft (31-3) facing Montrose Christian (Md.) (20-2). The game will appear on ESPNU.

Mar
26

Get Ready for 10-Digit Dialing

telephoneOn Saturday the Triangle becomes the next region of the country to implement mandatory 10-digit dialing. The numbers from the 919 area code are exhausted, and instead of breaking part of that geographical region off into a new zip code (as was done in the past) the area will become home to two area codes, known as an “overlay”. New numbers will have a 984 area code instead of 919, and because the codes coexist in the same area, all callers will have to dial the area code when calling any number beginning Friday.

I received a text message notice about the upcoming change about a month ago from my carrier, Verizon. However my land line service is thru Vonage, and they have sent absolutely no notice of the upcoming change. Have you gotten notice from your landline carrier yet?

The change resurrects many old questions, though. If we have to dial 10 digits to call next door, then why do we have to use the “1+” prefix to dial numbers “outside of our area code”? The duality that exists between national calling on landlines that require the prefix and cellular services which have never used the prefix is baffling, for sure.

Even more interesting, though, is the question raised by Nilay Patel, a writer at the Verge: Why do we even have phone numbers? Phone numbers tied to a location and the technologies that have emerged in the last 15 years don’t seem to be compatible concepts. With Microsoft, Google, and Apple trying to unseat the two big telephony technologies, it’s likely that in 15 more years the model will have changed so much, that there could be plenty of available phone numbers in the 919 area code.

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