Apr
01

City to Install Speed Bumps on Saint Mary’s Street

speedbumpFollowing the new trend of shunning thru-traffic, neighbors of Raleigh’s Saint Mary’s Street/Lassiter Mill Road have petitioned the City of Raleigh requesting installation of speed mitigation items. Naturally the city’s transportation engineers have elected speed bumps for the 4-mile residential street.

The street, which has carried a 35 mph speed limit since the automobile was invented, will now carry a 25 mph speed limit and will feature speed bumps placed every 300 feet along the entire 4 miles of road. As per city regulations, the speed bumps will carry signage indicating safe travel at 20 mph, however will be constructed to pop tires, ruin alignments, and scrape bottoms of cars in an effort to surprise drivers if they dare cross going faster than 15 mph.

Drivers of Raleigh’s CAT bus Route 8 have requested transfers to Durham’s bus service, citing they’d rather be around a bunch of gun-toting pre-criminals in East Durham than deal with Raleigh’s ridiculous speed bump initiative. Because they will need to wait an extra 5 minutes in emergencies, residents along the route have been advised by the Raleigh police and fire departments to by automatic electronic defibrillators for their own use.

An anonymous transportation planner said about the project,”Our goal is to remove traffic from all neighborhoods and put it on overloaded arteries. That’s what Atlanta did, and it worked really well for them. Our next target will be putting 20mph speed bumps on Glenwood and Wade Avenues, too, as they contain large residential stretches.

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